I have neglected to give y’all any actual updates on how life at the T house is going, so, without further ado…
It will be random. You’ve been warned.
-MC’s knee is pretty much healed, hallelujah. No seriously, hallelujah. Everything about this screamed PRAYED FOR. It’s taken weeks, but the swelling has actually (just about) gone away, although he’s still on oral antibiotics for a while to make sure. He went back to work – as in, he could stand on it for a length of time without unbearable pain (taking into account that man has the pain tolerance of a piece of steel, it’s ridiculous), because waiting for it to totally heal before going back to work would be just too logical for MC to cope with – right after Easter. Doctors say he’ll need a full knee replacement in about 15 to 20 years. Between us, we have one good knee (his left). WHEE!!
-Maria’s case is wackadoo, if you hadn’t gathered from these posts. We have these big agency meetings (and they have more without me/the other FP) where we spend hours coming to the same conclusion over and over again: that the kids can’t go home with either parent, or other kin, now or in the near future, and that WOWZA the kids need permanency now. And then, they go and act on the completely different assumption that these parents are amazing and loving and the greatest ever and let’s just give them one more chance. Nevermind that we just celebrated Maria’s first birthday. Did I mention that both parents missed her birthday access? Yeah. But they’re the World’s Best Parent’s you guys! I’m starting to understand the immense frustration that comes with being a foster parent joined with a very pro-parents and integration agency. I liked being a worker for such an agency – I’m just not sure I like being a foster parent for one.
Easter with Granny.S & Grandpa.T
-Youth group has gone pretty much the same for the past while, with (thank you, thank you, THANKYOU Jesus) no more drama from the main youth leader. I ran a few of the nights, bible studies, talks. Good stretching for me. Also, my decision to re-download MSN after years of avoiding it has proven to be a good one – I’ve had some crazy talks with the youth. Something about not ’seeing’ the person makes them much bolder and more open. Doesn’t help my late bedtime situation, but it is so worth it! I love them. I love themIlovethemIlovethem.
-I’m going out of order. I had this emotional conversation with my mom on the weekend, which was partly due to the drugs I’m on, and partly due to the subject matter. Drug being progesterone, which isn’t very exciting except for making me SO EMOTIONAL and EXTREMELY MOODY. I cry at everything, from radio commercials to being out of tea bags. Seriously. And I’m angry and then ecstatic all in 30 seconds… Matt recently asked me how much longer I was going to be a woman for (because these pills are designed to make me do what women always do but I never do without them). Bleh.
Anyway, conversation had to do with me putting up walls emotionally around having Maria but not ‘wanting’ to adopt her. And it’s still complicated, but I’m supposed to be more open to people about how, yes, in a perfect world I would jump at the chance. I’m just so aware that it will destroy part of me if I allow myself to dream about that, to lust after it, knowing full well that the chance of it coming to fruition are painfully miniscule – I would say, nonexistent. But yes. I love this child so much, I cry sometimes thinking about where she will end up and how it will include giving her away. That’s also the pills. DAMN YOU WOMYN HORMONES.
Learning to use a straw on a hot day
-MC and I have decided to pursue adoption alongside of fostering. As in, putting our names in the adoption hat at the same agency we foster at. I shall blog about this, it is going to be interesting. But both of us have seperately come to the conclusion, and then together, that we want to start a family sooner rather than later. Oh God, this is going to be insane. Note to self: stay off the progesterone for a while…
-As an aside, the drugs aren’t as a fertility treatment, but as a health thing. Along with my many trips to doctors and specialists and genetic counseling (whatever the hell that is, it’s tomorrow. No really, wtf is it?!). Because of the reasons behind my infertility – basically, PCOS – I have increased risks of bad health things like ovarian cancer etc etc runs in the family yadda yadda GENETIC COUNSELING, WTH?!
-I’m having a quarter-life crisis at the moment. You know, because my life is so boring right now..?? Centres around what the hell I want to do with my life, where I want to be in 5 years. Includes options such as Seminary (to pursue a divinity degree to do youth work with, would mean stopping fostering during the 3 yrs), going back to work in child welfare, moving to the country (eating lots of peaches), adopting, pursuing other education (addiction diploma, MSW, etc), continuing fostering, and so on.
You know, if I was never infertile, I would probably never have these decisions. Then again, I love having these decisions. I savour these opportunities, this point in my life where I can look in my future and see so many different paths. I mean, that is awesome. And freakin’ scary.
-I’ve decided I am going to post more photos of Maria and us on here. Hopefully with care, but more photos. Might be that I take them down after a while, who knows. I just want to share more of what’s going on with you.
Only 3 more posts until my 1000th (on wordpress, anway). Yikes.
Oh, I love you all. Oh, the woman drugs. They’re making me weepy again…
