WELL.

It has been an eventful week since we last talked, dearest roztimers!! Man alive, has it ever been.

First, let’s have some snuggly-baby kittens-rainbows-SMUAH shall we?

Recently we’ve been waking up at 5am or 6am, and then having slightly difficult days due to wanting to nap twice – the second being smack dab in the middle of access. This is shortly after waking up on the 5am day; I was zonked due to going to bed at my usual 1am (what? I can usually bank on sleeping til 7!). So I couldn’t bring myself to care that I had just spent ages the night before repacking and restocking those.. the access bag and my diaper bag. Like my Ecojot communication book??

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Sometimes I can forget how angry I was at a situation, or gloss over my past anger. I just wrote a paragraph about how I think I overreacted to that previous church drama given the resolution that’s started with the meetings of this past week. But that initial emotion was real, and it was in some ways the right response. (*God talk*) As in, we should be angry as Christians when our ‘family’, the Church, strays from where it’s supposed to be. Centred around love and humility, especially in the leadership. Yes, I fully include myself in this (I hope); know that I (we) did apologize to the church elders at our meeting for what we were at fault for.

Go figure, that meeting totally restored my understanding that God really can work through all churches. I know this mentally, but it can be hard when you’re dealing with someone who is just. so. DIFFICULT. We presented our information really well, if I may say so, and now we just wait for their decision. I feel good about it, at peace. I missed church (thanks Maria!) and instead had a good, quiet, full of peace time with God. During naptime, of course. Because really, that’s the only time anything gets done around here.

Like this wedding cake. THIS WEDDING CAKE. I think I gloss over the difficult bits when I volunteer myself for things. You know, because wedding cakes? Totally easy! You can just whip one up in a few hours! Or at least, that’s what my memory told me. Bloody good liar, my memory.

Like the baby. I gloss over my memories of Maria’s first 6 months. Okay, more like disassociate as soon as I think of them. Yeah, totally ready for another baby..

FIRST,

Weird eh? Mountains of shredded carrots! Needing to make 3 batches of the 20L recipe means loads, and I do mean LOADS, of shredded carrots. And nutmeg. I’m not sure there’s anything more fragrantly wonderful than freshly ground nutmeg.

One of the youth came over the last couple days to help me run errands and make this cake (with Maria in tow), which was good for both of us. Reminded me of how much fun hanging out with teenagers can be. Sometimes makes you feel old, like when they’re talking about all the drama and all you’re thinking is, ‘Really? Why? Wait, which girl is this? Wait.. I thought.. What? Who are we talking about now?’

So the cake number two has just started beeping that it’s done cooking.. And it’s not nearly done. So much for sleeping this side of midnight (4am start to the day this morning, WHEE). Then there’s another batch, then crumb coating, then freezing, then Saturday putting it together and doing the last two layers of icing including the decorations. Thankfully I’m no longer doing fondant…

BABY. Because if you’re like my mother, you’re all WHAT? WHAT IS GOING ON?? WHY HAVEN’T YOU TOLD ME? WHAT BABY?? OH MY GAH I HAVE TO KNOWWW. Not that my mother is that desperate. Ahem.

Maria has a not-yet-born (unborn, roz? Yeah, that’ll work) sibling that may need a fost.er home, and so we’ve volunteered ourselves. Would be likely to happen in the next month or month and a half if it does happen. Without saying too much for confidentiality’s sake, there are some better arrangements for the child that are hopefully being tried before they get to us. Yes, I know this is certifiably insane on our part, taking another newborn who will be as difficult biologically (if you catch my drift) as Maria was, while still having Maria and youth work and married life and WOE IS ME MY LIFE IS SO DIFFICULT. I’m not sure exactly how we’ll do it, but we’ll hopefully manage. Heh, we are nuts, eh.

(I was looking through some archives to try to find posts from the first 6 months, and apparently I did not write very much about the physical effects, both the acute short-term and the long-term developmental effects of Maria’s ‘condition’. Just this one.. So maybe it really wasn’t that bad! Right? Right?! Look! Rainbows and kittens!!)

TOTALLY got a new cell phone and it is CRAMAZING. An HTC Legend that I cannot part with, I am now on Twitter all the time, and have suddenly become stalkerish on facebook too. Let’s not even talk about the amount of photos I upload all over the place from it. Technology is fascinating, especially touchy touchy technology. Heh. Merry Christmas to me in July!! (No really. I needed a phone to talk to Leader Y for the fall, because picking up the phone from a phone call is so last generation. No, really. It drives me nuts)

Did finally get approval for taking Maria with us to camp. Workers are still bending over backwards to get the kids back with parents. I’m still on both sides of the fence on the issue.. am still trying to get her back with family of some sort while also not sure where the chance in hell is for that to happen. Oh! Riight, chance in heaven. Yeah, it’s late and I’m apparently punch drunk on the tasty tasty drained pineapple juice from my cake making extravaganza…

I just used the word extravaganza. It’s only going to get worse from here. BEDTIME! (screw the cake! Automatic shutoffs on the oven FTW!)

(Ohh I’ll regret this in the morning… ManCold doing weird calisthenics in the kitchen while I bake cakes around him. So basically the usual nighttime chaos at chez roztime).

I’m going through our foster parent policy manual again, because hey! We might be getting more chaos in the form of another baby! Because we’re nuts! Heh.

Anyway, some of it is just ridiculous. I mean, really. Here’s is a sample, from the section on playpens:

…

iv) The cut ends of metal tubing accessible to the child must be capped and the caps must remain in place when subjected to a force of 20.23lbs.  …

vi) No cord, strap or tape longer than 7.10 in. should be attached to a playpen.

vii) All support points of a playpen must remain in contact with a platform that is inclined 10 degrees after a 51.6lbs force is placed inside the playpen as close as possible to the edge.

…

WTF.

I mean, how the hell are you supposed to test that?! Do YOU have a 51.6 lb weight lying around that you can magically apply at 10 degrees to whatever side of the playpen I AM ALREADY LOST HERE zomg a;lskdjf;askljf;asklf.

Wow. It’s amazing they let us be foster parents at all, really.

I don’t feel very diplomatic right now. More the ‘unhh’ sounds whilst drooling feeling. And the banging the head against the wall repeatedly feeling.

Frustrated with Maria’s case, frustrated with the youth drama. Not excited about the work I’m facing in the next few weeks. Work? What? WHERE ARE MY BONBONS??

I know. I have such a tough life, eh.

This is me, trying to, as my awesome Beth Moore prayer book talked about today, put my hope in Yahweh/God/Abba. (Currently I am calling Him YHWH). Hope that all this MESS will actually work out somehow for the good. Of God, glory, etc etc amen.

Because my other responses include yelling at everyone, and giving up. I am that mature. YES, the government thinks I can look after their children! They think I’m balanced! HAHAHA jokes on me them.

Maria’s workers are being ridiculous at getting information back and forth between each other. I know it’s summer, people, but c’mon! This is what you get paid slightly decent money for! Do your job! Hell, they haven’t even told me yet if I can take Maria to the summer camp we’re going to in a few weeks. You know, the one I asked permission for in, oh, MARCH? So I’ve said, I’m going, she’s going, if you want her to have access you can drive the multiple hours to the camp to get her. Because she ain’t going to respite because you all can’t get off your ‘busy’ backsides. And let’s not even talk about the other large issues I have repeatedly asked information about, and yet am not getting anything. Am going to call my worker this week if I don’t hear anything by Wednesday. That’ll put the fear of God in ‘em (my worker = scary awesomeness).

My current response when someone (everyone) asks about how Maria’s family case is going is just to shake my head. Because I have no more words.

And then there’s that fun youth group/church drama. I am so done with it. Except, not, because I’m not giving up and we’re finally sitting down to figure it all out. I just don’t feel like revisiting the same thing I’ve discussed a thousand times with so many players already. Since when did bureaucracy trump action in the Church? Are we reading different bibles?

I know. I’m not being very diplomatic, eh.

And there’s a wedding that I signed up to do what was at one point just a little bit of work on, and now seems way more daunting.

And I’m going on rollercoasters all day this Friday in the sun and heat with a bunch of teenagers. Me, the woman who can’t climb a three step ladder without freaking out, and whom recently sat on the back of a motorbike with her husband in the driveway stationary and freaked. out. Yeah, it’s totally a good idea.

And my ankle still really, really hurts.

And I am so, so pathetic.

HAHAHA no really. I am so sorry you had to read this. I’ll leave you with the aftermath of my fight with a car’s trunk while camping – which apparently also looks like it could have come from a bit of a domestic dispute, which is awkward when you’re dropping off your kid at the access centre and meeting all the bio parents.WHEEE!

No, really, it’s totally fine.

My time really is less important than yours.

I’m only looking after your child, after all. Not a big deal or anything, really.

Blowing off another access visit 30 minutes before it’s supposed to start (when your kids are already on their way) because you’ve decided to get your medical dealio done now rather than, say, tomorrow – absolutely a great idea. Or because you’re picking up a friend from another part of town in your non-existent car. Or any of the other totally random sane reasons you concoct give.

Your kids totally won’t notice. In fact, they love hanging out with strangers at the access centre for an hour. With no food, because they’ve come hungry, because you’re supposed to feed them. Definitely something they’ll look forward to for next week too I’m sure.

And since I’m doing this drive for Maria, yes I’ll come much later because one of you has cancelled while the other one can’t get there.. because they, too, have a random medical deal that they seem to ALWAYS BOOK FOR ACCESS DAYS.

I have lots of medical appointments too – lots for me, lots for Maria. Go figure, somehow we manage to book them (and get to them! WOW!) on days that aren’t overlapping access! And you know what happens when they do overlap access? We go to access instead and rebook the medical appointment! Yes, we are more crazy than you, birth parents. Definitely.

That’s why they’ve started the process of TPR today, right?

*EDIT: Yeah. The other parent cancelled at the last minute because their ‘bus broke down’. So I supervised the visit between Maria and her siblings, one of whom brought beautiful flowers (rose of sharon’s) in a special container – one for mom and one for dad. They were so sad they had to take them back to the foster home.  Maria’s sister asked me why the parent couldn’t come just for the last part of the visit if her bus broke down. As in, they understood that there are OTHER BUSES the parent could have taken and in time. I didn’t have an answer.

Child welfare – where we start with broken dreams and work from there! WHEEE!

(Yes, normally one only posts one photo. Smeh!)

Up here in southern central (central? Eastern? Mountain? I get confused. Too many time zones, y’all) Canada, it be hot. Like, HOTT.  41 C with the humidex, or 106 F for you Americanos. Okay, so that’s nothing compared to what the South gets normally, or anywhere near the equator (hello, Guyana), but for the land of igloos it be HOTT team.  But it’s okay, we turned on our A/C. Because I like to help along the global warming. What? I’m putting my laundry to dry on the line at least.. and using the water of the baby pool in the backyard to water my plants.. can I get Suzuki brownie points yet?

Thought I’d send out an update on life.  If anyone still reads this thing. Currently, (this is me, knocking like mad on my wooden desk) no one in the family has medical issues, although I’m walking around with a large aircast on my ankle. Why they make air casts using non-breathable fabric, is beyond me.

Turns out my physiotherapist caught what neither the ER doc, the orthopaedic surgeon, or my family doctor diagnosed – that I injured both the ATFL and the syndesmosis ligament (yeah, WTH is that eh), meaning I did a ‘high ankle sprain’. Definitely never knew you could sprain your ankle badly; I always thought the ones I did where you were fine the week after was as bad as it gets. Well, I was wrong for once. So now I wear my ankle brace AND both knee braces, and I look stellar. Yeah right, I never wear the knee braces. Because I’m a hypocrite and too concerned with my looks, apparently.

In other news, this past weekend I took Saturday & Sunday off to go to the PRIDE celebrations in the Big City!! WHEEE it was a blast peeps.  I was only going to go for the Sunday parade with Maria, but then MC and I talked and agreed I could go for the whole shebang, which with the four friends (ended up being six for the majority of the weekend!) I went with was guaranteed to be hilarious. Was strange to get a taste of the single life – smeags & I stayed at the apartment of a mutual friend, and while I was envious of a lot of her life, I have to say.. after experiencing the weekend, I like my life.  Not perfect, but I’m happy in it. Wow. Lame post, roz. Geez. WHERE’S THE DRAMA. There was some fun times, like trying to help a friend at 3am not walk into traffic while we waited for the streetcar; there was, uh, ’some’ alcohol consumed I suppose. Oddly, I managed to keep my never-drunk streak despite the continuous drinks I was being bought. (By friends – who think my desire to not be drunk is foolish, even though I think I’m clear that it’s for my faith that I don’t drink to excess.. but hey, free stuff!)

Saturday morning before I left for Big City – which, as a sidenote, I did on public transit ALL BY MYSELF. Was so strange, I always have my cocoon of safety: my mom-van, a husband or parent or someone who knows which way north is, and/or Maria. This time I time traveled back to 2003, when it was just me and my independent self on the bus. WHEEE.

Anyway, Saturday morning I took out the Other Leader, because I can’t remember what I usually call him, and we had good talks over breakfast.  Stuff has been going down that’s not so hot, mostly between us (our youth group) and one of the churches we’re part of.  The drama that I posted about previously, if you’re keeping up. So I’ve decided to set some ground rules, some lines in the proverbial sand that once crossed, signal my leaving the youth leadership of this group completely.  I think there is great stuff going on in our leadership, with Other Leader, within the youth of our group. God’s doing crazy awesome stuff – I think I’ve talked about it ad nauseam here – and I think He still wants me here, being a part of it. But it’s dangerously close to coming to an ugly end. So, this is me, trying on a different hat than usual.

Meet Diplomacy Roz.

You can stop laughing now.

We’ll see how it pans out in the fall, when we get back to regularly scheduled programming.  For now, there’s the current drama over an event we’d been planning for ages, and it’s definitely going to be the Rosetta Stone of how we interact with the church in the future. I’m just hoping it’s a good interaction, rather than the current yelling at each other kind.

Maria is now fully crawling. Which, is weird. I turn around and all of a sudden she’s on the other side of the room. Uh oh. We bought a new diaper cover today – I think I might be in love. All of the wonders of a booroi with the actual usefulness of a bummi. Hello, Thirsty’s!

(And cue temper tantrum as I said no to ripping out the camera cable from the computer. SO MEAN MUMMY)

Anyway. Life is continuing, with less medical drama and way less youth, which is AWESOME because I needed a break. Oh, how I needed a break. So there’s more Dexter, more reading of Crazy Love and other books that finally arrived, and camping to look forward to this weekend. If we don’t melt beforehand.